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heterosexual female submissive mentor if possible.

This post was edited to add the next paragraph: In the comments, Ranai pointed out that it's not always a great idea to have just one mentor -- and I agree with her. I think it's helpful to have a range of voices who can give advice, if possible. There's nothing wrong with trusting one person above others, but all humans have their blind spots, and mentors are human too. This is one thing I love about the BDSM community, by the way (or at least, my experience with the BDSM communities I have been part of -- not all BDSM communities are the same...). In many BDSM communities, there are many cafe meetups and other low-pressure gatherings that make perfect environments for getting this kind of advice!

* Not all BDSM -- or porn -- or whatever! -- is the same. If you don't like (or are even revolted by) something you see, then you can try watching (or reading, or talking about) something else. Me, I got really excited when I first learned about Comstock Films: Tony Comstock makes documentaries that show real couples having real sex, and his documentaries are much more realistic and comfortably sexual than mainstream porn. And I really didn't like mainstream porn. But then I found that I wasn't that into Comstock Films themselves, even though I love the idea so much that I screened one of the movies at my sex-positive film series. So I concluded that I'm just not into porn at all, and that I'd be better off to focus on written erotica.

But then I finally saw some porn that turned me on at CineKink, "the really alternative film festival" -- and I hadn't even expected it to turn me on! I'd just been watching out of academic interest! And these days, I find that I'm sometimes turned on by watching the mainstream porn I tried so hard to avoid in the first place. The moral of the story is obvious.

The bottom line is that mere exposure to new ideas about sexuality can bring personal sexual evolution -- and that's awesome. So if you're interested in facilitating your own sexual evolution, the first thing to do is learn about sexuality by whatever means possible.

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This can be found on the Internet at:

http://clarissethorn.com/blog/2010/05/28/sexual-openness-2-ways-to-encourage-it/

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[storytime] Fear, Loathing, and S&M Sluthood in San Francisco

I originally wrote this and published it at OffOurChests.com in late 2010. If you've read Confessions of a Pickup Artist Chaser, or any of my posts that refer to "Adam," then I probably don't have to tell you which of these men later turned into Adam. But I'll spoil the mystery for you, and tell you outright that Mr. ThereItIs is Adam. (In this entry, I

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