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involuntary shit eating, and what we’ re talking about here is the voluntary kind.

For many years I heard stories that comic actor Danny Thomas, the star of Make Room for Daddy, was a coprophagiac. I assumed it was just another urban legend until I bumped into an old friend who was now working as a prostitute in Hollywood. Over lunch, she mentioned the names of some of her celebrity clients, including Danny Thomas. She told me how he had hired her to save her solid waste in her panties so that he could rub those panties on his face and gobble up her shit as though it were cotton candy.

When he finished, he would wash his hands and face thoroughly then pay her and, as if coming out of a trance, he’ d say, “Where was I?” He was trying to distance himself from what he had just done. Instant denial. Since then, I have believed that Danny Thomas’ s fundraising for Saint Jude’ s Hospital was really for the purpose of having secret access to their bedpans.

Anyway, I googled “eating shit.” Topping the list was “Shit Eating Grins: In Defense of Adam Sandler.” But sure enough, I was soon led to hardcore shit-eating sites, which I found totally disgusting, yet absolutely riveting. You may not want to read any further, but we both know you will.

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