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I’ m ashamed of increasing the military budget and decreasing the welfare budget. I’ m ashamed of dropping cluster bombs and continuing to plant land mines.

But the Republicans didn’ t dare attack me for any of those positions because they are their positions too.

I’ ll tell you how I survived this past year, how I maintained such high approval ratings, while Newt Gingrich fell by the wayside. How I managed, in short, to remain president. It was partly the state of the economy, and it was partly the state of the culture. Pornography is a twenty-billion-dollars-a-year business in this country. Steven Spielberg told me that’ s more than Hollywood’ s entire domestic box-office receipts. Because it’ s what the American public wants. And the TV networks exploit that dirty little secret. It’ s why sweeps weeks are always so raunchy. So, then, what I did wasn’ t considered such a big deal after all.

Mainly, though, I have survived because, one sunny afternoon, Monica was positioning herself on the carpet under my desk in the Oval Office while I was on the phone with Benjamin Netanyahu. I was telling him about the time that Monica was performing oral sex on me while Yassir Arafat was waiting in the Rose Garden for our appointment. I

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