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Ghislane was ready too she would insinuate we do the same to her. She
urged me downwards, until my head was between her opened legs and
giving into her wanton indulgence. Twenty minutes passed before Jeffrey
exerted his last energies for the night, the only advantage of being with an
old man was they could never last long.
Departing to our own separate quarters for the night, I called T.J for
condolence. It was so important for me to feel like I had someone out
there who saw me as more than a pretty girl with vulnerabilities. I needed
to maintain some sort of a connection to my youthful side. But it would
be to no avail as I was getting used to being badly disappointed by all the
men in my life.

Chapter 8

The phone nearly rang out and as I was about to hang up the receiver
when he finally picked up. On the other end of the phone I could hardly
hear T.J above the background noises. When I asked where he was he
told me “At our place baby”, meaning the apartment Jeffrey had rented
for me to be staying in alone. He already sounded off his chops
elongating his words and slurring his speech. There was music pumping
and people shouting behind him and every one sounded like they were
having a great time. I was so sick of his friends coming over using my
house as a place to party and then trashing it so bad I would even have to
sometimes throw my furniture out. I blew up at him over the phone and
threatened to kick him out, back to his parent’s house, so much for my
relaxing evening I thought to myself venturing on to tell him “You leech
off me using the money I leave behind for you for drugs and throw these
gigantic parties while I’m away.” Also mentioning the disastrous messes
I would come home too. “I am so close to ending it with you”, I would
openly threaten, but he knew better than I did, that I just couldn’t bring
myself to do so, needing some attachment to my youth through all of this.
“Don’t worry baby” he would say attempting to soothe me with his false
words going on to tell me how much he was missing me and how he was
always thinking about me when I was away which was like all the time.
I would soon be buttered up and soft for serve. This was my penalty for
choosing a guy that accepted my lifestyle with my “Other-Man” as I had
so eloquently put it to him once as not only acceptable but deemed it
“Cool”. The conversation ended with an easy good-bye and no “I-Love-
You’s” or anything sweet. We weren’t those kinds of partners yet, so
much time spent away from each other and the lifestyles we both led, I
couldn’t expect much more from him than what we already had.

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Jeffrey and I left two days later, heading off to Carmel in California for
a business trip of his, leaving Ghislane and Emmy to catch a commercial
flight back to N.Y.C, where we would meet up with them later. When we
arrived at the hotel we were given badges for the meeting tomorrow and
settled into our rooms. We got adjoining rooms, keeping the doors open
at all times, but sleeping in different beds. He liked sleeping alone, even
after a late night session I would always go back to my own room. I think
that’s why he liked me so much I never put pressure on him to become
intimately more than what we were already, never giving him the
impression I wanted more than what we had. It seemed to keep him
happy just the way we were together. I hung out with Jeffrey that night,
going to a restaurant for dinner and afterwards watching a movie back at
the hotel.
The next morning we went for an early morning breakfast before the
conference and Jeffrey gave me some money to go shopping instead of
attending the all day meeting with him. I was more than obliged to accept
his request, and wished him a good day before planning to meet back in
the room around six pm. He gave me five hundred dollars. He said it was
just enough to go have fun for the day and a girl of my means could find
plenty to do with that kind of money. I walked around the many
boutiques that lined the streets of the picturesque cozy town, and picked
up some bits of clothing here and there and even met a girl who was
passing through on a road trip. She was somewhere in her late teens with
golden sunshine tresses, olive skin and blue eyes. Her name escapes me,
as it was so unexpected, I think it was Tina or something like that but she
was your typical California carefree chic, offering me a few tokes of her
jay as we ducked down a side street together. I was so happy I had met
this girl, as she was fun spirited and charismatic a relief from the social
expectations I had come to know lately, but always being “on-call” as I
had been trained up to be, I ended up inviting her back to meet Jeffrey at
our hotel later on as a surprise for him. Maybe she was just a bit too
carefree for Jeffrey’s taste but anyhow she was pretty enough to let him
be the judge of that matter.
Over the next hour of hanging out together I found out that she was on
a road trip with her best friend who was still sleeping off the hard night of
partying from the night before. She was originally from the southern
states as she had a bit of draw still left in her accent, and she had recently
left her boyfriend because he was leaving for a college too far away not
believing in long distance relationships. Then it was my turn to dish out
my contribution to the conversation of getting to know each other better. I
always got anxiety before I would tell a girl what I did for work and
romance (as such), morally I was ashamed of who I was especially with a
girl having led somewhat of a normal life. Next, as always, I expected to

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