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they've met other dudes who talk nonstop about how women are vain and stupid and hysterical and, snicker snicker, why do we let those dumb bitches even vote and, oh by the way, did you know that lots of girls like to be choked and isn't that sooo significant...? And so these decent guys who are talking to me -- they have learned to associate discussions of female sexual submission with anti-feminism, and with attempts to disempower women in other spheres.

Being decent guys, this worries them, because they know that people of all genders deserve equal opportunity. But it is all a red herring! It's a series of illusions thrown up by BDSM stigma; by the idea that sexual kinks always mean something about the rest of a person's life; by people who don't comprehend that everyone has the right to consent; and by blatant, uncomplicated misogyny! Female sexual submission isn't even close to a threat to women's liberation, unless we allow it to be. If we weren't constantly forced to deal with the broken assumptions of a broken misogynist culture, this question would never occur to anyone!

It doesn't matter nearly as much what the cultural patterns are around sexual submission, as it does how we deal with sexual submission. If your partner is submissive, you can respect their desires and also respect them as a person. As I already noted, in BDSM this means communicating carefully, like with safewords and/or other tactics. Some people can have great sexual communication that's totally non-verbal -- but I always encourage explicit verbal communication because for many people, it's easier to make intentions and desires clear that way, and tactics like safewords provide a fallback in case there's a mistake.

So: what does "inherent female submission" mean for women, for feminism, for equal rights, for women who work, for powerful women? For housewives? For disabled women? For female rape survivors? For rape survivors of other genders?

Say it with me now: It's the wrong question. The mere act of asking this question implies a cultural context that is seeking excuses to disempower women. Female sexual submission means nothing...

... except what every woman wants it to mean, for herself.

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This can be found on the Internet at:

http://clarissethorn.com/blog/2011/07/01/inherent-female-submission-the-wrong-question/

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MANLINESS:

[theory] Fifty Shades of Grey, Fight Club, and the Complications of Male Dominance

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