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the anxiety-inducing frameworks of the "serious discussion," the bedroom, etc.

So when I developed my sexual communication workshop, I encouraged love letters. I gave two suggested points of departure for a love letter:

1) Describe what happened during a sexual encounter you had together, with particular emphasis on what your partner did that you really liked -- and what you liked about it. ("I love it when you fuck me" is a great thing to say, but you give much more information to your partner if you say "I love it when you fuck me from behind," or even better, "I love it when you fuck me from behind and it feels amazing when your balls hit my clit." [This blog does not necessarily reflect the desires or encounters of Miss Clarisse Thorn.])

2) Describe a fantasy you have. Bonus points if you explicitly put your partner in it. ("I like to imagine you sinking your teeth into me until I scream." This blog does not necessarily... oh, who am I kidding.)

Postscript: In the comments on this piece, a reader noted that they might feel anxious and pressured if a partner described them doing something specific. I hadn't thought of this, but I totally believe that it could be a problem. Certainly, I've sometimes had experiences writing to a partner where I described him doing something and he thought it was ridiculously hot... but I've also done it and had partners dislike it. I guess my final advice is that -- as with all communication -- you'll want to consider the audience, and be ready to apologize.

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This can be found on the Internet at:

http://clarissethorn.com/blog/2010/07/30/sex-communication-tactic-derived-from-sm-3-journal-keeping/

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COMMUNICATION:

[storytime] Sex Communication Case Studies

I wrote this post in 2011, years after the events in my coming-out story, and a long time after I'd done all the above research into communication tactics. By 2011, I'd picked up lots of sexual and BDSM experience with a variety of partners. I had just written a post about my most destructive past relationship; the post got a lot of readers and was eventually cross-posted to Jezebel. I wanted to do something positive with all the attention, so I decided to offer a productive counterpoint.

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Sex Communication Case Studies

In the wake of my last post, which was basically a meditation on one relationship with

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