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straightforwardness that amazes most partners, but it's crucial for them to understand that
I still have hesitations. That even I, sometimes, need a moment to articulate what I want
-- or need to be asked whether there's anything he can do.

Lastly, and most importantly: don't let go of your boundaries unless you're sure you're
ready. If you really don't want to do something, you don't have to make yourself do it.
I'm writing this because when I was growing up, all the sex-positive work I read
encouraged exploration at the cost of boundaries, and I think that's wrong. There were
times when that attitude hurt me -- for example, I did things I didn't like because people
claimed I hadn't yet gotten over my sexual "issues," like my lesbian friend in college.
And I know that attitude has hurt other women, too.

I don't like seeing sex-positive feminism equated with making oneself freely sexually
available. Exploring sexuality does not mean you have to ignore your warning bells.

Sexuality is so complicated. Sex cannot be reduced to bodies, or hormones, or
psychological stereotypes. Sex cannot be reduced to certainties, to shoulds and
shouldn'ts. If I could destroy every force in our lives that drives home ideas of sexual
"normality," I would. Which leads to my final piece of advice: don't let me tell you
what to do. This is just my experience, just my ideas. As with everything, I want you to
do whatever feels right for you -- as long as it's among consenting adults.

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VIII. Study Questions!

Here are some things that might be interesting to reflect on:

1) What questions do you have about your orgasm?
1a) Where have you researched the answers to those questions?
1b) Have you ever discussed those questions with your partners?
2) What questions do you have about your partners' orgasms?
2a) Have you ever asked your partners about their orgasms?
3) What's one thing you wish you'd said in bed to a partner?
3a) What would have made it easier to say it?
4) What are your favorite sexual acts? Are there other ways you could perform them?
5) What's the best sexual experience you remember? What made it great?
6) What's the hottest thing you've seen or read? What made it great and are there ways
you could participate?
7) Does anything from this article resonate with you? What?

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Here is a tangential footnote on issues of manliness:

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