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2.35 MB
Extraction Summary
5
People
1
Organizations
0
Locations
0
Events
3
Relationships
4
Quotes
Document Information
Type:
Personal narrative excerpt
File Size:
2.35 MB
Summary
The author recounts her journey to understand her sexuality and difficulty with orgasms. She describes seeking help from her mother and a kink-aware therapist after a negative experience with a gynecologist. Ultimately, she realizes that societal sexual scripts, which prioritize the male orgasm as the goal of sex, were a primary barrier to her own pleasure.
People (5)
| Name | Role | Context |
|---|---|---|
| narrator | ||
| narrator's mother | ||
| therapist | ||
| gynecologist | ||
| boyfriend |
Organizations (1)
| Name | Type | Context |
|---|---|---|
| Kink Aware Professionals |
Relationships (3)
narrator
→
The narrator's mother is described as extremely helpful and caring, offering reassurance.
→
narrator's mother
Key Quotes (4)
"I felt immense relief as Mom told me that there was nothing wrong with me, and reassured me that I wasn't "giving up my liberation.""Source
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Quote #1
"And one of the biggest sexual scripts is that sex ends with the man's orgasm. That the man's orgasm is the goal."Source
HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018505.jpg
Quote #2
"since my paramount goal during sex was obviously "satisfying my man," I often pushed my orgasm away due to my focus on him."Source
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Quote #3
"(These days, one of my #1 judgments of whether a new partner could be good for me is this: if I didn't come before he did, then does he take a moment post-orgasm to catch his breath, and then turn to me and smile and offer to do what it takes?)"Source
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Quote #4
Full Extracted Text
Complete text extracted from the document (3,174 characters)
needed more guidance, she referred me to a center that gave orgasmic dysfunction
"evaluations" at $1,500.00 a pop. I was earning $7.50 per hour at the time. I didn't go.
"evaluations" at $1,500.00 a pop. I was earning $7.50 per hour at the time. I didn't go.
I got up my nerve and talked to my mother, who had been extremely helpful and caring
when I came out to her about BDSM. During the BDSM conversation, I'd been scared --
then I felt immense relief as Mom told me that there was nothing wrong with me, and
reassured me that I wasn't "giving up my liberation." When it came to orgasms, though,
she seemed unsure of what to say. She did at least tell me that she, too, couldn't come
easily, which made me feel a little better.
when I came out to her about BDSM. During the BDSM conversation, I'd been scared --
then I felt immense relief as Mom told me that there was nothing wrong with me, and
reassured me that I wasn't "giving up my liberation." When it came to orgasms, though,
she seemed unsure of what to say. She did at least tell me that she, too, couldn't come
easily, which made me feel a little better.
Most helpful was the therapist I found on the Kink Aware Professionals list -- an online
list of doctors, lawyers, and other professionals who believe they understand alternative
sexualities such as BDSM. I tried one therapist who didn't seem to get it, but the second
therapist I saw was wonderful. He helped me through an enormous amount of my BDSM
anxiety. The orgasm problem was thornier, but he didn't make any assumptions, and he
did listen carefully, which was more than most people did.
list of doctors, lawyers, and other professionals who believe they understand alternative
sexualities such as BDSM. I tried one therapist who didn't seem to get it, but the second
therapist I saw was wonderful. He helped me through an enormous amount of my BDSM
anxiety. The orgasm problem was thornier, but he didn't make any assumptions, and he
did listen carefully, which was more than most people did.
My therapist gently encouraged me to get a second opinion about my how my body
worked, from a new gynecologist. Irrationally, I didn't. I suppose I still felt crushed by
how the first gynecologist had reacted. I also hoped I'd learn to come as I explored
BDSM more -- which turned out to be true.
worked, from a new gynecologist. Irrationally, I didn't. I suppose I still felt crushed by
how the first gynecologist had reacted. I also hoped I'd learn to come as I explored
BDSM more -- which turned out to be true.
***
VII. Figuring It Out
In retrospect, I recognize that I went through a brief period where I had orgasms
sometimes -- weak ones. But the orgasms were hard to hang on to because they happened
during sex with my boyfriend. This would be the same boyfriend I described at the
beginning of this piece, when I wrote: now I have the best boyfriend I've ever had. but
just like every other one, he can't get me off. big dick? oral sex? tons of foreplay? kink?
it's all there.
sometimes -- weak ones. But the orgasms were hard to hang on to because they happened
during sex with my boyfriend. This would be the same boyfriend I described at the
beginning of this piece, when I wrote: now I have the best boyfriend I've ever had. but
just like every other one, he can't get me off. big dick? oral sex? tons of foreplay? kink?
it's all there.
Now I see, in retrospect, that not everything was there: neither of us had questioned our
sexual assumptions, our societally-determined sexual scripts. And one of the biggest
sexual scripts is that sex ends with the man's orgasm. That the man's orgasm is the goal.
sexual assumptions, our societally-determined sexual scripts. And one of the biggest
sexual scripts is that sex ends with the man's orgasm. That the man's orgasm is the goal.
It's very hard to think around these scripts. It's very hard to even be aware of them. So,
since my paramount goal during sex was obviously "satisfying my man," I often pushed
my orgasm away due to my focus on him. I knew that if I came then I'd feel tired and less
interested in sex (at least for a while). And obviously, if he were to have his all-important
manly orgasm, I couldn't go falling asleep on him could I? I couldn't even pause to
mentally process my sensations if he seemed to be enjoying himself, now could I? Plus,
once he'd come, I certainly couldn't expect him to stimulate me any more than he already
had, because he was tired; he'd just had an orgasm!
since my paramount goal during sex was obviously "satisfying my man," I often pushed
my orgasm away due to my focus on him. I knew that if I came then I'd feel tired and less
interested in sex (at least for a while). And obviously, if he were to have his all-important
manly orgasm, I couldn't go falling asleep on him could I? I couldn't even pause to
mentally process my sensations if he seemed to be enjoying himself, now could I? Plus,
once he'd come, I certainly couldn't expect him to stimulate me any more than he already
had, because he was tired; he'd just had an orgasm!
(These days, one of my #1 judgments of whether a new partner could be good for me is
this: if I didn't come before he did, then does he take a moment post-orgasm to catch his
breath, and then turn to me and smile and offer to do what it takes?)
this: if I didn't come before he did, then does he take a moment post-orgasm to catch his
breath, and then turn to me and smile and offer to do what it takes?)
In the end, figuring it out was almost anticlimactic.
HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018505
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