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3) Historically, sex has usually been defined in terms of two things: (a) reproduction, and (b) the sexual pleasure of stereotypical men. Cultural sexual standards are based on these things. For example, the sexual "base system"; if you've read my work before then you'll have seen me talk about it a lot, because it's such a perfect example. It's commonly discussed among USA schoolchildren and it describes kissing as "first base," groping as "second base," oral sex as "third base" and penis-in-vagina sex as "home base." Why should this hierarchy exist? It only makes sense if we think of sex as being centered around reproduction. If we think of sex as being about pleasure and open exploration in ways that are different for everyone, then having a "home base" -- a standardized goal -- makes zero sense.
Another example: penis-in-vagina sex is often seen as "real" sex or "actual" sex, with all other sex considered "less real." How many arguments have you had over the course of your lifetime about whether oral sex "counts" as sex? (Hint: more than the subject deserves.) For a recent example, there's the Kink.com virgin shoot, wherein a porn model publicly "lost her virginity" notwithstanding the fact that she'd already had plenty of oral and anal sex on camera for years -- she'd just never had vaginal sex.
As for sex being defined by the pleasure of stereotypical men: one example is how people usually think about orgasms. In my experience and that of people I talk to -- and in the vast majority of porn -- it seems commonly accepted that sexual activity ends with a man's orgasm, whereas women are commonly expected to continue engaging in sex after having an orgasm... despite the fact that many women seem just as tired and less-interested in sex post-orgasm as many men are. In part, this goes back to defining sex in terms of reproduction: men have to orgasm in order for reproduction to happen, so men's orgasms must (supposedly) be central to sex. It's all influenced by these other constructions, like how penis-in-vagina sex is "real" sex, or "home base": many people are confused by the idea that you'd shift sexual gears to (for example) manual stimulation if you've already "made it to home base." But it also arises from centering stereotypical men's desires -- from a culture that just generally sees them as more important, more driving, and more necessary than women's. (Note that the majority of women don't achieve orgasm from penis-in-vagina sex in itself.)
When sex is defined in terms of reproduction and stereotypical male pleasure, the following things result:
+ People who aren't men have a harder time understanding their sexuality, because there are fewer models (for example: it's fairly common for women to figure out how to have orgasms much later in life than the average man -- like 20s or 30s, if ever)
+ Men who don't fit masculine stereotypes have a harder time understanding their sexuality (for example: there's a great essay by a former men's magazine editor in the anthology Best Sex Writing 2010 in which he talks about how hard it was for him to come to terms with his desire for heavy women)
+ Even men who do fit masculine stereotypes feel limited from other types of exploration, and may derive less pleasure from sex than they would in a less broken world

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