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HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018504.jpg
2.33 MB
Extraction Summary
4
People
2
Organizations
0
Locations
2
Events
2
Relationships
3
Quotes
Document Information
Type:
Excerpt from a book or manuscript
File Size:
2.33 MB
Summary
This document is a page from a personal manuscript, identified by a footer as evidence for a House Oversight committee (HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018504). The unnamed author recounts her personal journey of exploring her BDSM identity around age 20, her struggle to reconcile it with feminism, and her negative experiences seeking guidance from a self-help book and her gynecologist. The document details the author's internal conflict and feelings of frustration with advice that she perceived as toxic and unhelpful.
People (4)
| Name | Role | Context |
|---|---|---|
| Unnamed Narrator | Author/Narrator |
The author of the text, describing her personal journey with sexuality, BDSM, and feminism starting around age 20.
|
| Unnamed former partner | Former Partner |
Had a recent dinner with the narrator and apologized for his inability to sexually satisfy her during their relations...
|
| Lonnie Barbach | Author |
Author of the book 'For Yourself', which the narrator read and had a strong emotional reaction to.
|
| Unnamed gynecologist | Doctor |
The narrator's gynecologist who dismissed her concerns about her sexual issues, blaming her partners.
|
Organizations (2)
| Name | Type | Context |
|---|---|---|
| Amazon.com |
Mentioned as the source where the book 'For Yourself' by Lonnie Barbach was highly recommended.
|
|
| HOUSE_OVERSIGHT |
Appears in the footer of the document ('HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018504'), suggesting it is an exhibit for a U.S. House of Rep...
|
Timeline (2 events)
Around age 20
The narrator came into her BDSM identity and began a years-long process of reconciling it with her feminist beliefs.
Unspecified
Unspecified
The narrator read the first chapter of Lonnie Barbach's book 'For Yourself' and had a strong, negative emotional reaction to its advice.
Unspecified
Relationships (2)
The text states, 'I recently had dinner with a former partner.' and describes an explicit conversation about their past sexual relationship.
The text states, 'I also had the bright idea of asking my gynecologist. The doctor rolled her eyes as I spoke...'
Key Quotes (3)
"I'm sorry I was never able to get you there."Source
HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018504.jpg
Quote #1
"[Are you afraid to talk to your partner about your problem] because you're embarrassed to ask for what you want at a particular time; afraid your partner will refuse, get angry, or feel emasculated?"Source
HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018504.jpg
Quote #2
"You have to assume responsibility and be somewhat assertive. Our culture has taught us that a woman should depend on a man to take care of her, which means she can blame him for any mistakes."Source
HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018504.jpg
Quote #3
Full Extracted Text
Complete text extracted from the document (3,080 characters)
I recently had dinner with a former partner. At one point we found ourselves having a
very explicit conversation, and I mentioned that I've figured out how to come. He looked
sad and apologized: "I'm sorry I was never able to get you there." I had no idea what to
say.
very explicit conversation, and I mentioned that I've figured out how to come. He looked
sad and apologized: "I'm sorry I was never able to get you there." I had no idea what to
say.
***
VI. S&M, Redux
I finally came into my BDSM identity around age 20. At first, when I was faced with the
fact that I wanted to be hurt until I cried and begged for mercy, I freaked out. I had no
idea what to do about BDSM, no idea how to feel about it. The only thing I knew for sure
was that I'd found something I really needed. But what did that mean for me, when I was
also trying hard to be an independent, rational feminist with self-esteem and integrity?
fact that I wanted to be hurt until I cried and begged for mercy, I freaked out. I had no
idea what to do about BDSM, no idea how to feel about it. The only thing I knew for sure
was that I'd found something I really needed. But what did that mean for me, when I was
also trying hard to be an independent, rational feminist with self-esteem and integrity?
It took me years to parse out my thoughts on feminism and BDSM, to feel comfortable
with BDSM, and to talk openly and comfortably about it. During that process, I got better
and better at finding partners who were interested in my sexual desires and willing to
experiment. I also got to the point of reading sexuality advice books on my own,
including books specifically on BDSM. (For recommendations, please check the notes at
the beginning of this book.)
with BDSM, and to talk openly and comfortably about it. During that process, I got better
and better at finding partners who were interested in my sexual desires and willing to
experiment. I also got to the point of reading sexuality advice books on my own,
including books specifically on BDSM. (For recommendations, please check the notes at
the beginning of this book.)
And I gritted my teeth, forced down my anxiety, and looked into books about the female
orgasm.
orgasm.
One book that came highly recommended from Amazon.com was Lonnie Barbach's For
Yourself. By the time I was halfway through the first chapter, I was crying because what
she wrote felt so true. At the end of the first chapter, I put it down and was never able to
pick it up again. Barbach wrote compassionately about experiences very similar to mine
-- for instance: [Are you afraid to talk to your partner about your problem] because
you're embarrassed to ask for what you want at a particular time; afraid your partner
will refuse, get angry, or feel emasculated?
Yourself. By the time I was halfway through the first chapter, I was crying because what
she wrote felt so true. At the end of the first chapter, I put it down and was never able to
pick it up again. Barbach wrote compassionately about experiences very similar to mine
-- for instance: [Are you afraid to talk to your partner about your problem] because
you're embarrassed to ask for what you want at a particular time; afraid your partner
will refuse, get angry, or feel emasculated?
But she also ended the first chapter this way: You have to assume responsibility and be
somewhat assertive. Our culture has taught us that a woman should depend on a man to
take care of her, which means she can blame him for any mistakes. It's nice to be driven
around in a car, but it's also nice to be able to drive yourself so you can go where you
want to, when you want to. But to do that, you'd have to assume some responsibility.
somewhat assertive. Our culture has taught us that a woman should depend on a man to
take care of her, which means she can blame him for any mistakes. It's nice to be driven
around in a car, but it's also nice to be able to drive yourself so you can go where you
want to, when you want to. But to do that, you'd have to assume some responsibility.
It was the same "let go" and "keep trying" advice I'd been coming across for years, except
that now it was wrapped up in a nice package of assumptions about me: implications that
I wasn't assuming responsibility or being assertive. I felt like she was telling me that I
chose to depend on a man to take care of me.
that now it was wrapped up in a nice package of assumptions about me: implications that
I wasn't assuming responsibility or being assertive. I felt like she was telling me that I
chose to depend on a man to take care of me.
Maybe it would have been okay if the rest of the chapter hadn't been so miserably true,
but the combination of reading a bunch of truth about how I was feeling -- then being told
that I wasn't trying hard enough, that I was choosing to avoid responsibility.... It was
toxic.
but the combination of reading a bunch of truth about how I was feeling -- then being told
that I wasn't trying hard enough, that I was choosing to avoid responsibility.... It was
toxic.
I also had the bright idea of asking my gynecologist. The doctor rolled her eyes as I
spoke, then told me that the problem was obviously my partners. When I insisted that I
spoke, then told me that the problem was obviously my partners. When I insisted that I
HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018504
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