HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018498.jpg
2.32 MB
Extraction Summary
1
People
2
Organizations
2
Locations
2
Events
0
Relationships
5
Quotes
Document Information
Type:
Personal statement / written testimony
File Size:
2.32 MB
Summary
This document is a page from a personal statement or testimony by an unnamed individual, identified by the footer 'HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018498'. The author describes their identity as BDSM, distinguishing it from other forms of pain, and recounts their personal history of suppressing these desires during middle school due to societal stigma. They also reflect on their sex education, which, while progressive, did not cover non-standard sexual identities like BDSM.
People (1)
| Name | Role | Context |
|---|---|---|
| Unnamed Narrator | Author / Subject |
The document is a first-person account of the author's sexuality, identity, and personal history.
|
Organizations (2)
| Name | Type | Context |
|---|---|---|
| Unitarian Universalist |
Mentioned as the provider of a sex education program the narrator attended.
|
|
| HOUSE_OVERSIGHT |
Appears in the footer of the document (HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018498), likely referring to the U.S. House Committee on Overs...
|
Timeline (2 events)
Author's middle school years
The author experienced a peak in anxiety regarding their sexuality, leading them to stop creating sadomasochistic art/stories and suppress thoughts of 'violent power-play'.
Middle School
Author's teen years
The author attended a Unitarian Universalist sex education program which was inclusive of LGBTQ+ identities but did not cover BDSM.
Unspecified
Locations (2)
| Location | Context |
|---|---|
|
The location where the narrator's anxiety about their sexuality peaked, leading them to suppress their desires.
|
|
|
A general location where the narrator would dream and experience sexual desire during their teens.
|
Key Quotes (5)
"I identify my sexuality as BDSM -- a.k.a. kink, leather, fetish, S&M, or B&D."Source
HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018498.jpg
Quote #1
"I've gone so far as to describe BDSM as my sexual orientation."Source
HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018498.jpg
Quote #2
"You mean, you tied up your Barbie dolls as a child too?!"Source
HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018498.jpg
Quote #3
"That's what happened to me when I was in middle school. As my sexuality made itself more and more evident, my anxiety peaked."Source
HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018498.jpg
Quote #4
"But this marvelous curriculum did not include BDSM and other non-standard sexual identities."Source
HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018498.jpg
Quote #5
Full Extracted Text
Complete text extracted from the document (3,147 characters)
and hard to predict, and there aren't any good medical resources on the matter. Maybe the pain points to something unusual about my constitution. Maybe there's a reason it's harder for me to have orgasms than the "average" woman.
But the vaginal pain itself is not overwhelming, on the rare occasions that it crops up. And the vaginal pain is not even close to the most central issue of my sexuality -- or the biggest influence on my orgasmic ability.
* * *
II. S&M
I identify my sexuality as BDSM -- a.k.a. kink, leather, fetish, S&M, or B&D. BDSM is a 6-for-4 acronym that encompasses a host of related activities, including bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism. And yeah, I'm really into it: my desires are heavy and overwhelming; I dream of agony, of terrified screams for mercy. I've gone so far as to describe BDSM as my sexual orientation.
Before someone goes leaping to conclusions, there is a definite difference between "good pain" and "bad pain." The occasional pain I feel within my vagina is not good pain; it's not even interesting. It's just annoying. It's not sexy or enjoyable at all.
Some of us in the BDSM community have felt lifelong tendencies towards BDSM. We have conversations ending with thrilled exclamations: "You mean, you tied up your Barbie dolls as a child too?!" But BDSM is widely misunderstood and negatively stereotyped, and thus, many of us also went through periods of rejection. We've internalized so much anti-BDSM stigma from society that, at times, we freak out. We deny or erase our BDSM desires.
That's what happened to me when I was in middle school. As my sexuality made itself more and more evident, my anxiety peaked. I'd been producing secret sadomasochistic art and stories without labeling what I was doing, but I stopped. I blockaded my thoughts of violent power-play. I closed it all away as thoroughly as I could.
I still felt sexual desire -- I mean, I was entering my teens, so of course I did. Sometimes I felt so much desire, like in the middle of some inconvenient class, that I'd have to rest my burning forehead on the cold desk. I would close my eyes, and breathe deeply, and wait for the erotic shiver to pass. At home, I'd lie around my twin bed and dream about kisses; imagine men's hair and skin and touch.
Yet it was hard for me to trace my desire, to take control of it. I thought I had no problem with the idea of masturbation, but when I touched my own lady bits, I went cold. Vibrators did nothing but bore me.
I had excellent sex education, thank goodness. I went through a Unitarian Universalist sex education program that talked carefully about different experiences, that made space for gay and lesbian and bisexual and transgender and queer folks. I didn't only learn about sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy and condom usage; I was also encouraged to explore my sexuality, to value it. But this marvelous curriculum did not include BDSM and other non-standard sexual identities. Nor did it include much advice on how to negotiate sexual encounters with my partners. So, although I internalized many
HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018498
Discussion 0
No comments yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this epstein document