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complicated battle within myself, it is one I still ache to fully comprehend today.
Sunny spring days melted away the ice off the frozen streets of New York and the harsh winter winds begun to gently blow away the dead leaves, making the caged trees appear to have some form of life again. I hated the cold winters there, it would only add to my depression being locked indoors. Give me hot Florida days blistering in the sun where I can swelter by a cool pool and sip cocktails with pieces of fruit and little oriental umbrella’s floating around. What a vision of solace? Looking around my extravagantly decorated mid-evil room I was reminded of the desolation that I was more than accustomed too. Knowing it wouldn’t be long before I was summoned again for another ritualistic occurrence in fornicating with my master, I hardly bothered to leave my assigned chambers, scarcely being sent home for a moments break, I just accepted my fate. As I predicted the intercom buzzed momentarily and I heard Ghislane’s voice come over and request to meet them in Jeffrey’s study. Not an odd call, I would often meet him there first so he could tie up some unfinished business before heading to the dungeon, or what was thought to be the massage room. Making my way down the hall, I had an eerie feeling wash over me, as if I had several pairs of eyes on me, watching my every move. A cold chill moved up my spine and I had to move my thoughts elsewhere, too easy behind these walls to succumb to my fearsome anxieties. I punched in number one once inside the elevator and it took me down to the floor where Jeffrey and his surprise guest were waiting with anticipation behind closed doors. I cracked open the heavy wooden doors and a familiar face revealed itself. Definitely not expected or pre-warned on my part but I already knew what he was here for or at least why I was called down to the study. Prince Andrew had that notorious cheesy grin slapped over his face, as he looked me up and down like a shiny new car on display and he was about to take it for a test drive. Ghislane led me to the decadent sofa he was lounging on and twirled me around to give him a good lookover before sitting me down on his lap. Like a show pony I knew exactly how they wanted me to be paraded around, with the last of my dignity long lost, I had nothing more to lose. It was easy to give them the reaction they desired, all I had too do was pretend to be entertained by their lewd gestures, and when Andrew cupped my breast with a doll made in his image, I only giggled away. Ghislane wanted to take a picture of the bizarre scene and even got Johanna, another one of Jeffrey’s so-called personal assistants, to come sit on his other knee for the snapshot, giving the impression girls couldn’t stay away from Randy Andy.
Many crude jokes later and I was asked to show Andrew to the upstairs massage room. I’m sure he already knew where it was from previous encounters with Jeffrey’s “staff” but I led the way anyways, as if he was now my guest of honor. Entering into the dim room it took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but knowing my way around the room was enough to find the shower. I turned on the steam room and began to undress myself. Andrew followed my lead and disrobed, throwing his attire to the floor. I wanted to run and hide feeling his hands touch me again, but my servitude for Jeffrey kept me there. Getting out of his stronghold I turned my attention to the steam filling up and tried to turn his attention to the marble bench where I suggested he take a seat while I rubbed his feet. By the look in his eyes I knew he could care less about a foot massage, his real desires were being shown by the arousal his body was forming. He indicated where he wanted me to touch him and how. I fulfilled his seedy requests, but only just. There was no pleasure in this for me, the only thing I derived from this event was to sink further into my slumber of depression. I couldn’t remember a time when I felt needed for anything other than my body or amusements thereof. After his massage was thoroughly conducted I couldn’t wait to get back to my room for another shower. Sitting on the floor of the shower under the harsh spray of water, I scrubbed my body where he touched me. Feeling abhorrent and ashamed what I had become, I let the water wash away the grime.
As the days progressed into nights and the nights followed a trail of destructive months, my outlook on life had diminished into utter sadness. I had lost my spark and my ability to look like I could handle the abusive state of affairs I had drifted into. Sinking deeper in the euphoric state of being on coke and pills, not only was my mentality dwindling away but also my looks. I sure as hell didn’t feel like a seventeen year old anymore and now I wasn’t looking like one. My eyes had dark circles underneath them from not sleeping and my bones protruded from my skinny waistline and chest. This made Jeffrey apprehensive in keeping me around as often and before I had a moments notice, I was out of money and looking for a job. When I questioned him what was happening, he told me I wasn’t the same girl he had first met some time ago now and looked like I needed a break from working so much. “ I’ll call you next time I’m in town” was the last thing he said to me.

Chapter 13
Going back to an average teenagers life was more of a harder transition than I would’ve ever thought. Jeffrey stopped paying my expensive rent and I was forced to get off the drugs and look for a real job to feed and shelter T.J and I. It was much harder than it sounded, but I was craving

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