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they wouldn't work under a woman. (Some returned later, rather sheepishly.) Other favorites have to do with menstruation. It turns out that back in the day, doctors – who were of course always male -- simply refused to accept the existence of PMS. Apparently, it was accepted among doctors that a woman who felt cramps while menstruating was "making it up." (Female nurses who attempted to describe the actual feeling were ignored.) It was understood that a woman who felt unusually emotional or even in physical pain while menstruating was just being moody and hysterical. (You know how women are!) As more women became doctors and feminism gained traction and science advanced with a broader perspective and scientists discovered the actual physical causes of cramps, PMS became recognized as a real thing. Cramps were no longer "typical female hysteria."

Which, of course, makes it all the more ironic that PMS is now often used as an excuse to discount women as hysterical. It makes me laugh, in my cynical way.

It's kind of astonishing that a woman like my mother would disclaim a strong connection with feminism. And yet she does.

***

This year I had my first Full-On Internet Feminist Scandal, during which I received hate mail and hate comments from other feminists. (I name the event in capital letters because email from other feminists, some of whom I don't even know, has told me that if you stick with Internet Feminism long enough, it's basically inevitable that you obtain one of these.) The worst of it fell on a holiday when I was visiting my mother. Mom was helping out at church, and wanted me to attend the sermon. I sobbed for hours before leaving home; I managed to make it to church, but I was such a wreck when I got there that she put me in a back room so I could be alone to cry.

To be clear, I definitely think that I've screwed up on some social justice issues in the past, and I'm sure that I will in the future. I am doing my best to keep myself honest and work on the areas where I've been called out. That's a crucial part of social justice work, and it's one I try to take seriously.

But I have to tell you, the piece I wrote that drew the biggest backlash was one that my mother loved. (In the interests of accountability, I'll say that I do think a lot of the critiques are valid and important, like this one for example -- and, for those in the audience who are familiar with feminist call-out culture, I recommend a couple insightful comments from a brilliant Feministe commenter named saurus.) When I wrote the initial draft, I felt so uncertain that I asked Mom to review it, and she said: "I think this is one of the best things you've ever written." Yet one key factor in many of these critiques is that I failed to make enough space for rape survivors. I plan to write differently about the topic in the future, but there's real irony in the fact that the most important rape survivor in my life believes that one of my best pieces is the same one that got me hate mail for failing rape survivors. (Of course, I also received incredibly personal comments about my sex life. The Feminist Sex Wars ain't over yet.)

Mom and I discussed it later, of course. She read some of the commentary online, and she came back shaking her head. "The things some feminists are saying about you really

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