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Subspace is so hard to describe. I've written about it before, in passing, so many times, because it's so important, but I've never come up with a good description for it; and when I Google for it I can see that other people have the same problem. When I'm starting to go into subspace it's just soft and dark and slow. But when I'm really far under, I'm totally blank. Falling. Flying.

Somewhere else.

Come back.

What is it, where do I go? It's just submissive, masochist headspace. But I don't always get into subspace when I submit, and I don't always get into it when I take pain either. I'm not sure what the other ingredients are: some amount of trust, of course. And strong feelings about my partner make everything more intense... way more intense. Orders of magnitude more intense. Still, I've had new partners put me under with surprising thoroughness.

It's a lot like deep sexual arousal -- hard to think, hard to process, hard to make decisions -- but the deepest sexual arousal does not put me anywhere near deep subspace. Deep subspace is. More. Than anything else.

Some S&M teachers tell people not to drive after an S&M encounter, not for a while; not until you're over the subspace. They compare it to an altered state, like being drunk. Some S&M teachers caution that it's dangerous for the dominant partner to suggest a new activity in the middle of an S&M encounter -- something that wasn't negotiated beforehand -- because the submissive may not be able to think clearly enough to consent. (And because in those moments, the submissive will have a harder time than ever saying no.)

I sometimes think that when I was younger and less experienced, I abandoned myself to subspace more easily. I'm better at pulling myself out of subspace now, but I think the cost may be that it's harder for me to really get into it. (Safety first?) I trained myself to be able to say, "Don't stop," when I wanted my partner to keep going. (Sound easy? Trust me, it took a while.) Playing with unfamiliar partners, I trained myself to be on guard. (One of my sex worker friends told me once, "I don't care how deep the subspace is, I can always come out if the client tries to fuck me without a condom.") I got better at calling my safeword before I had to -- asking my partner to do something else or give me a break, rather than suddenly stopping everything once I hit my absolute limit.

I am nowhere near perfect, of course. In particular, I can rarely answer complicated questions, and sometimes my partners literally can't get me to answer any questions when I'm subspaced. Sometimes it takes me a long time to come out, and partners may get nervous while I'm surfacing. But I'm not sure these aspects can actually be eliminated from subspace. And I've gotten better.

I'm sure that in an emergency, I could talk and function straight out of heavy subspace. I doubt I would be optimally intelligent and thoughtful, however.

When I was younger, I'd get frustrated with my partner if he tried to ask me questions or clarify things or otherwise check in with me when I was in subspace. Damn it, can't you

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