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Case 1:20-cr-00330-PAE Document 674 Filed 06/24/22 Page 3 of 29

BSF

themselves. When a boundary is crossed or an expectation violated, you tell yourself, “Someone
who cares enough about me to do all these nice things surely wouldn’t also be trying to harm me.”
This pattern of thinking is insidious, so these seeds of self-doubt took root even as I learned my
sister had also been harmed by them, and came to find out years later that many others had been
exploited. For years these memories triggered significant self-recrimination, minimization and
guilt. I blamed myself for believing these predators actually wanted to help me. I felt tremendous
survivor guilt when I heard what other girls and young women had experienced at the hands of
Maxwell and Epstein. I saw how my sister’s concern about me weighed on her and felt guilty about
this as well.

This toxic combination of being sexually exposed and exploited, feeling confused and
naïve, blaming myself all resulted in significant shame. That sickening feeling that makes you
want to disappear. It was not constant, but would come in waves, similar to the waves of anxiety
that would also show up. When I think back, I see a slideshow of moments when these feelings
would surface and overwhelm me. I remember sitting at my desk in a Houston hospital physically
shaking after seeing the photo of Maxwell with Virginia Giuffre and Prince Andrew because it
became clear to me how their scheme had continued; the time an unexpected security screening
from a TSA agent who patted down my chest with the back of her hand left me crying and
disoriented at the airport; a 40th birthday gathering where I broke down crying telling the story to
some friends for the first time. There are too many of these moments to name, and though I have
come a long way in my path of healing, I know that these feelings will continue to be triggered at
times.

The ripple effects of trauma are undeniable, when one person is abused, many others are
harmed. In addition to the way I was impacted as an individual, there was the pain I experienced
as a sister due to how Maria was abused by Maxwell and Epstein, and the harm caused to the rest
of my family due to these events. My sister’s abuse—the sexual assault, Maxwell’s threats that
stole her sense of safety and her career, the way they used her to get to me—had devastating effects
on her and as my family watched her grow more isolated and more physically ill from the stress
of all of it, we all felt powerless. It was heartbreaking and infuriating, and we later learned how
often this pattern was repeated. A young person on the path of pursuing her dreams was pulled in
by Maxwell, was abused and exploited, and then had to try to piece together a life in the aftermath
of this trauma that left them feeling distrustful and fearful. Most of these individuals had families
who were also negatively impacted as they witnessed and felt the systemic effects of their loved
one’s losses and struggles. The number of people harmed is impossible to measure.

Maxwell had many opportunities to come clean, but instead continued to make choices that
caused more harm. When my sister and I first spoke out to the media about what happened to us,
Maxwell lied about us and threatened Maria, thus helping shut down investigations into Epstein’s
behavior so they could together continue to harm children and young women. After this attempt
to alert people to Epstein and Maxwell’s abusive behavior, I avoided being public about it for
almost two decades. My shame told me that I should hide this fact because it was embarrassing.
Later, as I pursued my profession as a psychologist, I feared it could potentially ruin my career. I
worried clients would not want to work with me if I was associated with this story wrongly labeled
as one of “child prostitution.” I feared being on Epstein and Maxwell’s radar because of their
previous lies and threats.

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